I'm writing this from an emotional state of mind. I'm drinking fake wine (sober 3 months)! and listening to depressing music. Oh and it's 2am and  I'm incredibly over tired. Writing is so therapeutic.. I don't know how many shrinks Ive had to tell me this.. and each time I roll my eyes. Never have I been one to journal my deepest darkest thoughts (Let's be serious, Id be institutionalized with all that crazy shit) and even from looking at this blog.. I have serious commitment issues. But right now after having a sobbing fest over my life taking another huge turn.. Hello writing.. my long lost lover.

I told him tonight. Told him I'd be leaving. It didn't go over well. My heart is breaking, but I know I cant go on living here.. like this. I can't be the best I can be if I'm feeling completely out of it and to be honest, miserable. I've faked that everything has been peachy for the last 2 years, and I just cant seem to get over things that have happened to me in my past. Sob fest sob fest blah blah blah... Things changed when I met him; he made believe "Hey! there are good people left in the world" and from the deepest depths of myself I can thank him for that. Thank him for the laughs, the tears and all the love he gave me. But ultimately you cant rely on someone else for your happiness. I need to focus on getting myself in better place, mentally, physically.. emotionally.

I'm a hopeless romantic and I hope that if we are meant to be, it will be... what's a couple provinces? Or.. 5..

So fuck me.. and fuck everyone. I'm a fucking mess. But most of all.. to him.. Thank you for loving me as much as you did.

Leighton xox